I WIN! I am so much better than Schilling! Bwahahaha. Schilling's still limping around on his gimp ankle while I'm out winning ballgames. This is fun.
Except, guys? I think I might have a little problem. I was cruising along just fine until Jason Varitek came up to bat for the first time in the second inning. And then, I dunno. As he was settling in at the plate he was looking out at the mound, and our eyes just locked. And they were so blue and pretty. And...I kinda felt my stomach flutter a little bit. I shook it off and he grounded out, but then something weird happened back in the dugout in the bottom half of the second. I was just sitting there watching our guys up to bat, except I couldn't stop watching Jason when I should have been watching us. How those big muscular thighs would flex every time he stood up and crouched back down. How his hands were moving. And all the while I kept feeling warmer and warmer inside. The next time he was up to bat, I was so flustered I just left a pitch right up in there in the strike zone and he blasted it for a double.
What's going on, you guys? I'm the ace pitcher in this rivalry now and that means I have a lot of very important responsibility. I'm pretty sure that being in a rivalry doesn't involve having these sorts of feelings for one of your enemies.
I wonder what it would be like to pitch to him? To stare into those gorgeous eyes before every pitch? To have him come running out to the mound if I needed him? I wonder if he'd put his hand on my back as we talked about how to get the next guy out. Oh god, to watch those big manly fingers waggle the sign right in front of his crotch? Um...you'll have to excuse me, guys. I need some time alone with my "little unit" now.