You guys, the weirdest thing happened to me last night. After the game I decided to talk a walk, you know, just to calm my thoughts. It’s really stressful watching the team lose all the time and not be able to do much about it. I mean, I can’t pitch every DAY. So I’m just walking down the street minding my own business when this guy across the road goes “Oh my god, it’s Randy Johnson!” I am rather used to this, so I just waved and kept walking. But then he says “Hey, I love reading your journal online, Big Unit.”
I was speechless. How did this little punk ass bitch find my journal? So I ask him “How did you find my journal, you little punk ass bitch?” And he says “Somebody on S.O.S.H. found it. Oh, good luck with your stiff groin!” And then he was gone.
What the hell is this S.O.S.H.? Is it like some secret club of Yankee fans who have been stalking us and reading our journals? Oh god, soon the whole world is going to know all about my little unit. How can I even show my face in public? I KNEW this online journal thing was a bad idea.
Listen up, bitches, if you’re reading this right now: go the fuck away! I don’t know who the hell you are or who sent you, but LEAVE ME ALONE! LOL.